


When All Those Shadows Almost Killed Your Light

by ShyAudacity



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Anxiety, Birthday, Christmas Party, Crying, Derek Takes Care Of Stiles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Hurt Derek, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, In a non sexy way, Panic Attacks, Stiles Takes Care Of Derek, Straddling, Summer, mentions of Hale Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyAudacity/pseuds/ShyAudacity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay?” Stiles says out loud. Gently he places his left hand on Derek’s shoulder and gave it light squeeze. He repeats this action few times over, each time moving further and further down his arm. As he gets to the middle of his bicep, Derek grabs Stiles’ wrist and he freezes. </p>
<p>Derek’s grip tightens and he pulls Stiles closer to him. Stiles straightens his legs out and moves closer to the older man until Derek’s back is pressed firmly against his chest. Stiles finds Derek’s hand and slots their fingers together. He tucks his chin into the curve of Derek’s throat and keeps it there. They fall asleep like this. </p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>5 times Stiles helps Derek and one extra time when Derek helps Stiles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When All Those Shadows Almost Killed Your Light

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this last year and just today did I finish it... oops.

**Anniversary**

 

It's late on a Tuesday night in the middle of October when Stiles finds Derek the first time.

 

He walks into the loft expecting a lecture on how the door was closed for a reason. Or 'didn’t anyone ever teach you that it's rude to let yourself in to someone else’s house.’ Stiles has a comeback already on his tongue upon entering, but it dies at the site of Derek.

 

Vulnerable is not a word in Derek Hale's vocabulary. Although seeing him lying in the fetal position on his bed, fists tucked under his chin, and his eyes glazed over, Stiles swears to himself he's never seen Derek look so miserable.

 

“Derek are you okay?” Stiles asks, unsure if the older man can even hear him.

 

Derek doesn't respond, instead he just lies there, motionless and apparently grief stricken.

 

Stiles, not knowing what else to do, gets down to Derek's eye level. He looks more heartbroken and empty than anyone else Stiles has ever seen before. Derek is awake, but apparently oblivious to the rest of the world around him. Stiles tries snapping around Derek's ear, nothing happens.

 

“Derek, do you want me to leave?” Stiles asks. Stiles sees a change in Derek's catatonic gaze so minute that he almost missed it. “I'll take that as a no.”

 

Stiles sets his bag down next to the bed and sits down gently behind Derek on his bed. He crosses his legs and sits facing the headboard of Derek’s bed.

 

“I’m going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay?” Stiles says out loud. Gently he places his left hand on Derek’s shoulder and gave it light squeeze. He repeats this action few times over, each time moving further and further down his arm. As he gets to the middle of his bicep, Derek grabs Stiles’ wrist and he freezes.

 

Derek’s grip tightens and he pulls Stiles closer to him. Stiles straightens his legs out and moves closer to the older man until Derek’s back is pressed firmly against his chest. Stiles finds Derek’s hand and slots their fingers together. He tucks his chin into the curve of Derek’s throat and keeps it there. They fall asleep like this.

 

Stiles wakes up the next morning to find Derek sitting up in bed, still facing away from him.

 

“You should go… you don’t want to be late for school.” Derek says quietly without looking at him.

 

Stiles nods and leaves without another word. He’s in first period when he gets a text from Derek.

 

_Yesterday was the anniversary of the fire_ it says.

 

_Don’t worry,_ Stiles replies _, I know._

They don’t bring it up again.

 

**Christmas**

The pack Christmas party is something new they decided to do. Everyone met at the loft a few days before Christmas, and everyone brought a random gift for White Elephant. Stiles had insisted they all do it after learning that most of them didn’t know what White Elephant was. He told them that all they had to do was bring was something random from home in non-specific box, and boy did they.

 

“Alright, who put socks in their gift?” Scott said, pulling out multiple pairs of tube socks.

 

“I was hoping you would pick my gift, Scotty.” Stiles says, raising his plastic cup, then taking a drink from it. “I’ve seen your socks dude, it’s nasty.”

 

Scott glares at him, then throws the socks at Stiles. He laughs then throws them back.

“Whose turn is it now?”

 

“Uhhh.” Stiles looks around, then notices Derek standing by himself away from the rest of the group. “Derek, come over here. It’s your turn.”

 

“I’m not playing.”

 

“It’s not matter of playing, all you have to do is open a box.”

 

Derek sighs, walks over and picks up the smallest box of the bunch. He sits down on the couch with it and opens it slowly. He looks inside the box for moment, before pulling out a half empty bottle of something. He twists off the lid, smells it, and then immediately puts it down like it burned him.

 

“Derek?” Stiles says carefully.

 

“I need some air.” He says. In a moment, he’s off of the couch and out the loft door.

 

Stiles looks around at his friends. “What was in the bottle?”

 

“Perfume.” Lydia says. “It was just old perfume.”  

 

Stiles stands and gets up off the couch, grabs his coat, then follows Derek outside. Stiles finds him outside, by his car. Standing at the door, with his keys in hand like he’s unsure of what he’s doing.

 

“Are you going somewhere?” Stiles asks, walking over to him. He stops a couple feet away from Derek, not wanting to bother him.

 

Derek stays where he is and says nothing. He continues to stare at his car, like he’s unaware that Stiles had followed him outside and oblivious to the fact that he left a party that’s happening in his own home.

 

“Derek… you okay?” Stiles asks cautiously.

 

Derek drops his arms and turns towards Stiles.

 

“My mother used to wear the perfume that was in the box from Lydia.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Stiles says taking a step closer.

 

“I’m not.” He replies. “I’ve been trying to find that specific smell for years. I didn’t think I’d ever find it.”

 

“Then why did you walk out like that?”

“I panicked, I guess… I felt like I had to go back to the old house.”

 

“I understand.” Stiles says. He places a hand on Derek’s back. “C’mon let’s go back inside, it’s freezing out here.”

 

They walk back inside together and go back to the party. When they get back, Scott has managed to spill his drink all over himself, and he’s trying to get it out with nothing but a napkin. It’s really starting to feel like Christmas. 

Stiles pretends not to notice as Derek pulls Lydia away from the group for a few minutes. He acts like they never left when they come back into the main living room. The group finishes opening up presents and then parts their separate ways. Stiles is the last to leave, having promised to help Derek clean up. Stiles is picking up all the plastic cups when his phone buzzes.

 

He has two new texts from Lydia that read:

 

_Derek hugged me and said thank you for the perfume…_

_I didn’t think he knew what a hug was._

Stiles smiles then turns to look at Derek who has his back to him. He finishes what he’s doing then says goodbye to Derek.

He doesn’t ask him about the hug.

**Birthday**

Its three days into March the next time around. Stiles tries to get a hold of Derek all day long, with no luck. He decides to stop at the loft after school to try and get the help he needs with some supernatural research, he gets there to find that the door is already open. He sees a picture frame on the floor, the glass shattered and spread out across the floor and he knows that something is wrong.

 

“Derek? Derek, are you here?” he calls out. He hears a sound from the upstairs and immediately takes to the metal stairs two at time. At the top of the stairs, he sees a door to right, shut with light coming out from underneath it.

 

Stiles can hear Derek muttering from inside, “Stop crying… Stop crying, stop crying.” Stiles pushes the door open without another moment’s hesitation.

 

Derek is standing there in front of a sink, chest heaving, tears in his eyes and his knuckles a bright white as they grip the counter top. 

 

“Derek, are you okay?” Stiles asks cautiously from the doorway.

 

Derek shakes his head and crashes into Stiles chest.

 

"It's okay Derek, it’s okay." Stiles is quick to get a hold on Derek, putting one hand on the back of his neck the other around his waist. He guides Derek to the ground as his knees give out and leans up against the wall.

 

Derek buries his face in Stiles' neck and cries. Quiet sobs shake his body against Stiles' smaller form, and Derek holds onto him for dear life. He sits there crying until there is nothing left to cry about.

 

After a while, Stiles helps Derek stand up, walks him down the stairs and to his bed. After that, Stiles finds a broom a starts to clean up the broken glass. Stiles picks up the broken picture frame and turns it over. It’s practically useless now. It isn’t until Stiles removes the photo that he takes a closer look at it.

 

The photo was obviously taken in a hospital room. There's a boy sitting in a chair holding a newborn baby. The boy can't be any older than nine in the picture, but he looks so mature. He's looking at the baby like he would never let anything bad happen to it, almost as if his only job in life is to keep him safe. Stiles turns the photo over in his hands, there's writing on the back. 

_The newest dynamic duo. Big Brother Derek (8) and new baby brother, Cameron Tyler Hale. 3-3-1997_

It’s his younger brother’s birthday.Stiles felt a pang of sadness in his chest. He knows that birthdays at his house haven’t been the same since his mother died. Stiles finishes cleaning up the glass then after a little bit of searching, finds a new frame to put the picture in and leaves it on the counter. 

 

He walks over to Derek's bed to find the older wolf sitting up in bed. Stiles takes off his jacket and his shoes then slides in next Derek. Stiles cautiously hugs Derek around the waist from behind and rests his chin on Derek's shoulder. 

 

Derek leans into the touch before he speaks. 

 

"I was supposed to take care of him." He whispers. "I was supposed to keep him safe why... why couldn't I keep them safe?" 

 

“Derek, listen to me. There was no way you could have known what Kate was planning to do.” Stiles says and Derek cringes at her name. “Even if you had, I know that there is no way you would have let her do what she did to your family. Because you are a much better person then she will ever be.”  

 

Derek drops his head to his chest and lets out a shaky breath. Stiles hugs Derek a little tighter, then pulls him back to lie down. Derek turns and buries his head in the crook of Stiles' neck. Stiles cards his fingers through Derek's hair, they fall asleep before they realize it. 

 

Stiles wakes up alone, but he can hear water running somewhere in the loft so knows Derek is around here somewhere. He swings his feet over the side of the bed and pulls on his shoes. He goes to reach for his jacket when he sees something sticking out of one of the pockets. Taped to a piece of paper is a key.

 

The paper reads: _Thanks._

 

Stiles nods to himself then adds the key to his key ring.

 

Stiles doesn’t bring it up.

 

**Old Flames**

First day of summer Vacation. Derek calls Stiles first when he needs someone to help install a new TV. One, because he knows Stiles is the only one in the pack smart enough to properly install a TV. Two, because he knows Stiles is too nice to say no.

 

They drive to the nearest Best Buy and Stiles informs Derek on what would be the best type of TV for his loft. Derek picks out 55 inch flat screen to go in his living room, or whatever area he call his living room. They also pick out of new pair of speakers and a DVD player. They get back to the loft and manage to set everything thing up without too many issues.

 

“Done.” Stiles says just as the sun begins to go down. “Are you hungry?”

 

“Yeah, I could eat. I think I have some soup in the cupboards.” Derek says flipping through the channels.     

 

Stiles has to do some searching to find the cupboard that Derek was talking about. Then he has to do even more searching just to find a working can opener. Stiles couldn’t decide whether he wanted beef or chicken noodle, so brought out both. He’s in the middle of opening the beef before he realizes what’s happening.

 

He feels Derek before he hears him. He feels arms hugging his waist and what feels like a head resting between his shoulder blades. He turns around slowly and is met with Derek’s broken face.

 

“Derek? What’s wrong?” he asks putting a hand on the older male’s neck. Stiles then turns his attention to the TV, the news is on and his heart drops at what he hears.

 

_“…A home in Riverside County mysteriously caught fire today. According the Fire Marshall, all of the doors and windows had been barricaded and locked from the outside. It seems as though someone was trying to sabotage the family who lived in this home. Stuck inside the home was a family of six, all of whom died in the fire. The only lead that the police have so far is a mysterious bullet that was found at the scene of the crime…”_

A picture of the bullet is shown on the screen and Stiles immediately recognizes it as one of the Argents wolfs bane bullets.

 

“Kate.” He gasps. Stiles looks back at Derek and hugs him as tight as he can.

 

“They were werewolves.” Derek mumbles. “My mother knew them… sh-she trusted them. They t-took Laura and I in after the fire. How… how could Kate do this again?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles whispers in Derek’s ear. “But I swear to god, we’ll find her and make sure she doesn’t make it out alive. Alright?”

 

Derek nods into Stiles’ collar bone and they stay there hugging for a little while longer.

 

Stiles tells the rest of the pack about what happened, but leaves the hugging part out. The pack offers their condolences and then forget about it.

 

**Blowing Smoke**

It’s early July. The air is humid and muggy, it makes Stiles’ t-shirt cling to his skin. Even with the windows rolled down in his jeep, he’s still hot.

 

He’s driving back home from the police station after having lunch with his Dad. He turns onto his street and sees Derek. He looks like he’s walking away from the Stilinski house. Stiles wonders to himself why Derek would be at his house. Stiles pulls into his driveway in a messy fashion, then gets out of his car and runs after the older werewolf.

 

“Derek!” He calls. Derek stops, but doesn’t turn around. He stays where he is and waits for Stiles to catch up to him.

 

Once he approaches him, Stiles realize that something is not right with Derek. His hands are balled into fists and his chest is heaving like mad. His eyes are darting back and forth but looking everywhere but at Stiles.    

 

“Derek?”

 

“I couldn’t find you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I-I couldn’t find you. I rang the doorbell but n-no one answered.”

 

“Why didn’t you climb in through the window? You could’ve waited for me.”

 

“My hands were shaking too m-much.”

 

Stiles looks at Derek with a confused face. He looks down, grabs one of Derek’s hands and gently forces them out of the tight fist they made. Stiles watches it tremor slightly before he looks back up at Derek.

 

“Derek are you having a panic attack?”

 

“I don’t know.” He says, “I-I can’t breathe right.”

 

“Oh uh- #### okay.” Stiles says. He grabs Derek’s hand, places a hand on his shoulder and leads him inside the Stilinski house. Once inside, Stiles leads him to the couch and tells Derek to sit down. Derek doesn’t refuse.

 

“Stay here. I’ll be right back. Try and focus on your breathing.” Stiles darts out of the room, then comes back a minute later with a wet cloth. He sits on the coffee table in front of Derek. Derek grabs Stiles arm just below the elbow and squeezes it, Stiles squeezes back in reassurance.

 

“I’m going to put this on your body, okay?” Stiles tells him. Derek nods, then sighs when the cloth touches his skin.

 

Stiles runs the cool cloth over Derek’s skin, making sure run it over his neck and shoulders multiple times over. Stiles watches as his eyes close and his body relaxes from its tense state. He pays attention as Derek’s breathing evens out and his hand begins to loosen the grip on his arm. Derek opens his eyes and looks up at Stiles as he runs the cloth over his arms. 

 

“Thank you.” He whispers.

 

“Don’t worry about.” Stiles says, he stands up. “I’ll get you some water.” Stiles goes into the kitchen, gets a glass of water then comes back to find that Derek has disappeared. The front door is wide open. _Of course he left_ he thinks to himself. Stiles sighs, goes back to the kitchen, then dumps the water in the sink.

 

He doesn’t chase after Derek.

 

**(+1) Mama’s boy**

Late August. Derek has had a bad feeling in his chest all day long. Like an ache he can’t seem to ignore He can’t put his finger on what it is, but he’s not a fan of this feeling. So he heads to the Stilinski house to try and see if Stiles can help him figure what the problem is.

 

When he pulls up to the house, the Sheriff’s patrol car is parked in the drive way. So Derek scales the side of the house as quietly as he can, slipping into Stiles’ bedroom through the window with ease. Upon entering the teenager’s room, Derek is overwhelmed with a sense of grief.

 

It’s dark but Derek can tell that Stiles’ bed has been pushed into the corner of the room. He sits on his bed, knees drawn up to his chest as he leans against the wall, the sadness rolling off of him in waves. He looks up at Derek, his face wet with tears and obvious pain.

 

“What do you want, Derek?” he says with a raspy voice.

 

“I uh- I’ve had had this bad feeling in my chest all day. I thought uh… are you okay?”

 

Stiles shakes his head.

 

“Well do you wanna talk about it?”

 

Stiles shrugs his shoulder and covers his mouth with his hands, trying to stop his crying. He lets out a deep breath and drops from his hands away from his face.

 

“It’s my birthday.” He says quietly. “I’m finally legal...yay.”

 

Derek sits down on the edge of the bed. “Then why are you crying?”

 

Stiles doesn’t say anything right away. Instead he closes his eyes, drops his head to his chest and tries to compose himself. He looks at Derek a moment later and Derek can’t help but feel bad for the kid. ‘Not kid, now _adult_ ’ he reminds himself.

 

“Did you know that my mom and I have the same birthday?” Stiles asks him.

 

Derek shakes his head.

 

“When I was little, she would tell me that I was the best birthday present that she ever got. She always smiled when she said it, so I knew that she wasn’t lying to me. Now I can’t even think about it without almost breaking down.” 

 

“I’m sorry, Stiles.”

 

Stiles’ chest heaves. “I just… I just wish I didn’t have to m-miss her. But she’s gone and I-I don’t know what else to do, you know? It hurts so much an-and I don’t know how to ignore it.” That’s when the flood gates break loose, Stiles can’t hold it in any more. He sobs loudly, shoulders shaking like mad. Stiles covers his mouth with his hands again, trying to stop his crying but it does nothing.

 

Derek can’t take it anymore. He turns to face Stiles, grabs his hands and pulls him into his lap. Stiles doesn’t resist the touch. Derek holds him like a little child after they’ve had a nightmare, gently and with immense care. He rubs Stiles’ back as he cries to the older wolf’s neck. Derek knows how much it hurts to lose your mother, especially when you’re a Mama’s boy.  

 

After a while the crying lessens, and Stiles becomes quiet. Derek rubs a hand over the back of Stiles’ neck, sweeping his fingers over the small hairs at the bottom of his hairline. Derek scoots back further onto the bed until he can lie down fully, with Stiles still straddling his waist. Stiles’ head rests on Derek shoulder and he looks up at him.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Stiles asks quietly. “Why are you comforting me?”

 

“Because you deserve it Stiles.” He says.

 

They don’t say anything else.

 

The two of them stay like that until the sun comes up.   

**Author's Note:**

> :D I hope you guys liked this. I hope you have a great day!


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